Monday, November 1, 2010

Collective Thoughts

Collective, not Random

I've been giving some thought to the idea of  "Random Thoughts". I think I've changed my mind. To speak/write randomly is to do so without purpose or meaning. The things I write/say here and in other areas of my life, I want to have purpose and meaning. I want to think before I speak/write. That was how I was raised. To live randomly is to live without purpose or meaning. I know that God put me here for a purpose and that purpose has meaning. To live according to the bible is to live with intention. To live with intention, I must choose to think before I speak/write. So you will no longer find Random Thoughts on this blog, but thoughts that have been collected, chosen to be intentional to bring about a purpose and a meaning.

Collective Thoughts

 Grounds in My Coffee

So obviously I'm not that great with keeping up with a blog. My life is either busier than I realize or I'm lazier than I realize, probably a combination of the two. In less than a weeks time, I will be packing my oldest daughter up to move to another city. My first born is leaving the nest. I know it's a necessary thing, but I still don't have to like it. I remember the first time I held her. We weren't too sure about each other. After checking her all out and cleaning her up and all that stuff they do to them when they are first born. The nurse wrapped her fat little body up and brought her to me. The first thing I noticed is she was heavy- already! 9 lbs 12 oz., I looked at her and she looked at me and she started to cry, then I started to cry. Her daddy took her and she was fine. He gave her back to me after a while and she started to cry again. I was clueless. About that time, my mother walked in and told me that the baby wanted me to feed her. UM.....WHAT? Sure I had wanted to breast feed, but really, I was clueless, I didn't know what to do. So they got the nurse in there and she sorta showed me what to do. They had me watch a video and we eventually got the hang of things. Since then we've both done a lot of crying. Some because of each other, some for each other, some with each other.When you hold them for the first time, and for many years after, you never once think, they are going to leave one day to begin their adult life. You think about what cute outfit you plan for them to wear that day, or do we want a pony tail, pig tails or braids today, or their elementary and high school education, and soccer practices.

She's a brilliant girl, planning to major in journalism. Which doesn't surprise me one bit. I've had her keeping journals since she was 8. She's always been an extremely avid reader. Her favorite author is C.S.Lewis, brilliant in his own right. Why is she moving now? I mean the next semester in school doesn't start until January. Her amazing personality is why! She went to apply for a part time job in the area, and after filling out applications at a few places, one called her back for an interview and hired her on the spot! It's not surprising, she has that amazing smile and a very easy going personality.

We've become awesome friends these last couple of years. So now its far more than just a mother daughter relationship, she is my closest friend after God and my husband. The other two are still in their own worlds in the teen years. My bookworm, she never went through that selfish period of teenagehood . I mean sure she could be selfish at times, but not ever to the severity of the average American teenager. She learned very early on that there are always consequences for your actions. We certainly haven't raised the other two any differently yet, it just hasn't sunk in yet. I pray that it will some day.

So what does all this have to do with grounds in my coffee? Well, this morning I got up, made my pot of coffee, and as I was pouring, I noticed that several grounds had gotten into my coffee. Evidently the filter had folded over, thus allowing some of the grounds to seep in underneath and into the pot. I had two choices. One, throw it out and make another pot, or deal with it and just try to restrain it into another cup. It seemed senseless to pour it out. So I restrained it with a small sieve. Which brings me back to my story above. I don't like this, not one bit, but I have to deal with it. Encourage her that she can deal with it, when all I really want is for her to stay right here with me. But then that makes me the selfish mother. Since she was never the selfish teen, then I owe it to her not to be selfish now. I know she loves me, and I her, immensely. We always have the other person's best interest at heart when we care so deeply, no matter how much it hurts us.